10: An unhappy man decides to change his life for the better in American Beauty.
9:
8: A man faced with life inprisonment feigns insanity and winds up in a mental asylum ruled with an iron fist by Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
7: A man with a low I.Q. leads an extraordinary life in Forrest Gump.
6: A former Nazi decides to save Jewish lives during the Holocaust in Schindler's List.
5: Marlon Brando and Al Pacino are involved in the mafia in The Godfather.
4: A man about to committ suicide is visited by his guardian angel who shows him all the people he has changed in It's A Wonderful Life.
3: A guard on death row discovers a man with magical powers who changes the lives of the depression worn prisoners on The Green Mile.
2: A man obsessed with greed tries for more power and money in Citizen Kane.
1: A wrongfully imprisoned man changes the lives of those in a corrupt prison and gets the last laugh against the corrupt guards and warden in The Shawshank Redemption.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
The Top 10 Thrillers
10: Four friends from the city go canoeing down a river for the last time and get themselves into a really bad situation in Deliverance.
9: Sandra Bullock's entire life is literally erased because of a computer conspiracy in The Net.
8: A paralyzed woman is terrorized by her insane sister in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?.
7: A psycho punishes sinners in Seven.
6: A man dangerously obsessed with a woman campaigning for a senator plots murder to get her attention in Taxi Driver.
5: A man in his home on medical leave begins spying on his neighbors and believes one of them has murdered his wife in Rear Window.
4: A theme park full of cloned dinosaurs suffers a malfunction in Jurassic Park.
3: A group of mysterious people are called in as suspects for a crime in The Usual Suspects.
2: A ravenous shark comes to a Massachussets beach and doesn't leave in Jaws.
1: An FBI agent trying to solve a rash of kidnappings and murders shares secrets with a highly intelligent cannibal in The Silence of the Lambs.
9: Sandra Bullock's entire life is literally erased because of a computer conspiracy in The Net.
8: A paralyzed woman is terrorized by her insane sister in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?.
7: A psycho punishes sinners in Seven.
6: A man dangerously obsessed with a woman campaigning for a senator plots murder to get her attention in Taxi Driver.
5: A man in his home on medical leave begins spying on his neighbors and believes one of them has murdered his wife in Rear Window.
4: A theme park full of cloned dinosaurs suffers a malfunction in Jurassic Park.
3: A group of mysterious people are called in as suspects for a crime in The Usual Suspects.
2: A ravenous shark comes to a Massachussets beach and doesn't leave in Jaws.
1: An FBI agent trying to solve a rash of kidnappings and murders shares secrets with a highly intelligent cannibal in The Silence of the Lambs.
The Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time
10: Gregory Peck and Lee Remick are informed that their son is actually the antichrist in The Omen.
9: A small northern Californina town is terrorized by a serial killer who asks their victims questions about horror movies over the phone with the penalty for the wrong answer being death in Scream.
8: A disturbed serial killer attempts to make victims appreciate their lives by putting them in life or death situations in Saw.
7: A man opens a puzzle box and unleashes demons who take pleasure in torture and sadism in Hellraiser.
6: Mark Whalberg becomes dangerously obsessed with an unsuspecting Reese Witherspoon in Fear.
5: Scientists at an isolated Antarctic research base discover that one of them isn't human in The Thing.
4: A priest is faced with the difficult task of ridding the demons from a young girl in The Exorcist.
3: An escaped mental patient incarcerated since childhood for the murder of his sister escapes on Halloween night and stalks and murders babysitters in Halloween.
2: An undead child murderer seeks revenge on he people that burned him alive by killing their children in the one place their parents can't save them, in their dreams, in A Nightmare on Elm Street.
1: Jack Nicholson becomes caretaker of a hotel and begins to go insane in The Shining.
Our runners up:
A woman comes to the mysterious Bates motel to look for her sister who has gone missing in Psycho.
A family traveling through the desert gets stranded and terrorized by cannibals in The Hills Have Eyes.
A group of friends become lost in the middle of rural Texas and try to escape from a poor family of cannibals and their insane son who likes to make masks out of human flesh in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
A group of college graduates celebrate by renting a cabin in the woods and fall victim to a deadly flesh eating virus in the water and more in Cabin Fever.
Women go cave diving and have to try and survive when attacked by starving cavemen who don't need eyes to see in The Descent.
A family buys a house for a bargain only to discover that it is haunted by demons presumably as a result of a mass murder there the previous year in The Amityville Horror.
Townsfolk seek shelter in a supermarket from ravenous creatures from another dimension hiding in the mist outside, but can't hide from a raving lunatic demanding human sacrifice in The Mist.
9: A small northern Californina town is terrorized by a serial killer who asks their victims questions about horror movies over the phone with the penalty for the wrong answer being death in Scream.
8: A disturbed serial killer attempts to make victims appreciate their lives by putting them in life or death situations in Saw.
7: A man opens a puzzle box and unleashes demons who take pleasure in torture and sadism in Hellraiser.
6: Mark Whalberg becomes dangerously obsessed with an unsuspecting Reese Witherspoon in Fear.
5: Scientists at an isolated Antarctic research base discover that one of them isn't human in The Thing.
4: A priest is faced with the difficult task of ridding the demons from a young girl in The Exorcist.
3: An escaped mental patient incarcerated since childhood for the murder of his sister escapes on Halloween night and stalks and murders babysitters in Halloween.
2: An undead child murderer seeks revenge on he people that burned him alive by killing their children in the one place their parents can't save them, in their dreams, in A Nightmare on Elm Street.
1: Jack Nicholson becomes caretaker of a hotel and begins to go insane in The Shining.
Our runners up:
A woman comes to the mysterious Bates motel to look for her sister who has gone missing in Psycho.
A family traveling through the desert gets stranded and terrorized by cannibals in The Hills Have Eyes.
A group of friends become lost in the middle of rural Texas and try to escape from a poor family of cannibals and their insane son who likes to make masks out of human flesh in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
A group of college graduates celebrate by renting a cabin in the woods and fall victim to a deadly flesh eating virus in the water and more in Cabin Fever.
Women go cave diving and have to try and survive when attacked by starving cavemen who don't need eyes to see in The Descent.
A family buys a house for a bargain only to discover that it is haunted by demons presumably as a result of a mass murder there the previous year in The Amityville Horror.
Townsfolk seek shelter in a supermarket from ravenous creatures from another dimension hiding in the mist outside, but can't hide from a raving lunatic demanding human sacrifice in The Mist.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Top 10 Car Chase Movies
10: Dan Akroyd and Jim Belushi drive to Chicago after getting paroled to save an orphanage in The Blues Brothers.
9: Burt Reynolds participates in an illegal cross-country race in The Cannonball Run.
8: Sylvester Stallone and David Carradine are forced into a race where they are forced to run down innocent pedestrians in Death Race 2000.
7: Steve McQueen drives a mustang after a mob kingpin for revenge in Bullitt.
6: A man is hired to take a 1970 Dodge Challenger to California from Colorado in 15 hours... no matter what the cost in Vanishing Point.
5: An undercover cop played by Paul Walker discovers that his friend, Vin Deisel, is a car thief in The Fast and the Furious.
4: An insurance agent is hired by a drug baron to steal 48 cars in one day and avoid capture in Gone in 60 Seconds.
3: C. Thomas Howell plays a man driving across the country alone and is terrorized by a psychotic hitchhiker in The Hitcher.
2: A nerdy Keith Gordon fixes up and becomes completely obsessed with a 1958 Plymouth Fury that seems to have a mind of its own in Christine.
And at number one we have a frantic Dennis Weaver who lives out every motorist's nightmare: being chased across a lonely desert highway by the sadistic driver of a massive semi truck in Steven Spielberg's first movie, Duel.
9: Burt Reynolds participates in an illegal cross-country race in The Cannonball Run.
8: Sylvester Stallone and David Carradine are forced into a race where they are forced to run down innocent pedestrians in Death Race 2000.
7: Steve McQueen drives a mustang after a mob kingpin for revenge in Bullitt.
6: A man is hired to take a 1970 Dodge Challenger to California from Colorado in 15 hours... no matter what the cost in Vanishing Point.
5: An undercover cop played by Paul Walker discovers that his friend, Vin Deisel, is a car thief in The Fast and the Furious.
4: An insurance agent is hired by a drug baron to steal 48 cars in one day and avoid capture in Gone in 60 Seconds.
3: C. Thomas Howell plays a man driving across the country alone and is terrorized by a psychotic hitchhiker in The Hitcher.
2: A nerdy Keith Gordon fixes up and becomes completely obsessed with a 1958 Plymouth Fury that seems to have a mind of its own in Christine.
And at number one we have a frantic Dennis Weaver who lives out every motorist's nightmare: being chased across a lonely desert highway by the sadistic driver of a massive semi truck in Steven Spielberg's first movie, Duel.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The Scariest Moments from my Childhood
10: Pretty much anything from Disney, or other child-themed studios.
This includes the Headless Horseman from Sleepy Hollow, the wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz, the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the banshee or the ghost coach from Darby O'Gill and the Little People, the donkey parts in Pinnochio, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Maleficent and the creepy lady from Sleeping Beauty, the scary forest scene and the Hag Queen from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and the 101 Dalmations scary dog fight scene and scary close up of Cruella DeVil.
WHEW!!!! And I honestly don't think that I got them all.
But I think that the creepiest moment has to be the scene where Dumbo gets drunk and imagines pink elephants. It is so macabre and disturbing, that it looks like something Stephen King would make while on LSD. Even the parts where it is trying to be serene seem disturbing to me. Maybe it's even more relevent now then it was years ago. Elephants slowly multiply before turning into every single mindf*ck you could possibly think of, including snakes, a strange figure made up entirely of elephant heads, strange shapes, and eyeballs. Okay, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Read some of the lyrics:
I can stand the sight of worms, and look at microscopic germs, but technicolor pacoderms is really too much for me! Then the guy singing laughs and a pair of Cymbals smashes together.
What is the point of this scene? I think it is to teach us that everything has a meaning, but everything also means nothing. Total crap your pants philosophy.
And then, at the very end, elephants transform into trains, cars, planes, buses, and anything else that could possibly go fast and race towards each other until everything blows up. Dead elephants fall from the sky, turn into morning clouds, and... that's where it ends. That is actually where it ends.
You have got to see this if you haven't already:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcZUPDMXzJ8&feature=related
9: A tie between Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Let's compare here: Beetlejuice is a comedy about a crazy zombie who helps a dead couple scare the people out of their old home. The film is dark and filled with jumps. All in all, it's played for laughs. The snake scene is an exception.
This scene really just has Beetlejuice transform into a snake and start tormenting the houseguests. He doesn't really hurt anybody, but his appearance still scares you, and the fact that it isn't really a funny scene is also strange, because you don't really know what the scene is about. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9A7lCQsqGg
But The Nightmare Before Christmas is a completely different story altogether. I don't know exactly which genre to classify it in. I wouldn't call it comedy, action, horror, or drama. Probably comedy-musical. DARK comedy-musical. It is a wierd film about a guy from Halloweentown who sets out to discover what Christmas is all about, and has to stop the boogeyman along the way. I just don't know. I always thought it was too dark for kids, and I never really liked it, even if it did have a happy ending. But, a lot of people seem to like it, so, that's okay. But I think the creepiest scene is the part where everybody sings This Is Halloween.
You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOtEdhKOMgQ
8: The Joker from Batman.
Maybe I was the only kid who was scared of this guy, but 1989's Batman is one of the greatest superhero movies ever made. It basically involves a young boy who witnesses his parents killed by a street thug. The thug says "see ya around, kid" and leaves. The kid would grow up to be Bruce Wayne, billionaire and secret crime fighter by night. The thug, it turns out, grew up to be a mobster in crime-ridden Gotham City, but was set up to get caught in a police shoot by his partner, who wanted revenge for his affair with his girlfriend. The thug winds up getting hit in the face by a ricochet bullet, and falls into a vat of chemicals. The chemicals bleach his face white, and dyed his hair green. The thug goes for plastic surgery, but the nerves in his cheeks have been permenantly severed, and he winds up with a permenant rictus grin. The thug snaps, letting his sadistic sense of humor take over, and uses this as an outlet for his madness, kills his boss, and takes over the crime empire of Gotham.
But the scene that really creeped me out was the scene where you first see him. That, and the plastic surgery. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wotScx3Q7ZY. And now, the plastic surgery clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiAonyJIV_A.
And, I think that special praise should be reserved for Danny DeVito's Penguin.
I will admit, if I had seen Batman Returns when I was a kid, you can bet your life that the Penguin would be on this list. That's a promise.
7: Ghostbusters.
For the most part, Ghostbusters is a comedy. But when you are watching it as a kid, it is one of the scariest friggin' movies ever made! I know you will all think this is stupid, but I was always scared of Slimer. That's right, the little green blob that ate everyone's room service leftovers and never hurt anybody in any way. But the little thing creeped me out with his grotesque appearance, his disgusting teeth and slime, and the sound he makes while flying towards people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2nYqyfDMnQ
The opening scene with the ghost in the library was also pretty creepy,
and the part about the gargoyles or the marhsmallow man wasn't too sweet either.
But the scene that really creeped me out was the part in Ghostbusters 2 where all of the ghosts manifest themselves and run amok in New York. There's also a scene where the Titanic finally arrives.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g42EG7LD1UY&feature=related
6: The Furnace Scenes from Home Alone.
Everyone has seen Home Alone, I am almost positive. If you haven't, you have to see it, and Home Alone 2. You might be able to handle Home Alone 3, if you are just looking to laugh at the traps, not the rest of the film, because the traps are pretty funny, and they take up a good portion of the film. Home Alone 4 is the ungodly Home Alone film, it is a cheap, made-for-tv sequel that lacks any Home Alone feel the rest of the series had. But the first Home Alone also had a scene that always creeped me out as a kid, and made me fast-forward through. It was the scene where Kevin goes to the basement to see if anyone is down there. Kevin, like all kids, is afraid of his unfinished basement, and doesn't go down there that often. So, naturally, he looks uneasy during this scene. Creepy music plays as the camera pans over the bizarre stuff in his basement, which only adds to the building tension in the scene. Then, he notices the creepy looking furnace. Suddenly the furnace comes to life and starts calling his name. Kevin flees. Then, it reappears later in the film, but Kevin isn't afraid of it.
5: The messed up tunnel scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
For the most part, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a very fun family film. It is about a poor boy who loves chocolate, who wins a once-in-a-lifetime tour to a private chocolate factory, with a bonus, a lifetime supply of chocolate! At the end, he is also chosen to be the future owner of the factory, as all of the other kids who won the tour were spoiled brats. So, why is this film on the list? Well, there is one scene that just comes out of NOWHERE!!!! It involves Willy Wonka's boat that is driving down the chocolate river, when it enters a tunnel that is just scary for no reason. Every phobia you can imagine is projected onto the walls, with enough grotesque imagery to fill a planet. All while a mercilessly fast theme plays and Wonka recietes a poem in the creepiest way possible and proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs. And it ends there. No more terror, chaos, and death. Just serene chocolate, strange oompa-loompas, and fun inventions. Okay. Let's just go with that, I guess. I would think that there would be talk of a lawsuit, or people leaving, or at least asking what was up with the tunnel. But no, nobody ever talks about it again, not even right after they stop the boat.
Well, you can watch it here and I really want you to note the change in mood about a minute in. Nobody expects it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X48RiKQmFQ
4: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come from 1984's A Christmas Carol.
Nobody has ever made the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come truly terrifying, not even Charles Dickens himself. It is simply meant to be a messenger of death. But in 1984's A Christmas Carol, they already had George C. Scott, (the best Scrooge, in my opinion) an actual England filming location, the best sets, the best cast, the best script, and the best Marley's ghost.
And if you don't beleve me on that, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh_fUMgFomk
2: Pretty much anything from Goosebumps.
Okay, it is pretty obvious to me that Goosebumps is one of the greatest nostalgic television shows ever. Basically, in the mid-90s, Goosebumps was a scary series for kids. Back in the 90s, it was okay to expose kids to different generes. Comedy (spongebob), drama and action (Sonic the hedgehog or Batman), and even horror (Goosebumps). But nowadays, kids are exposed to comedy and ONLY comedy. There's no diversity. That's why books are so important. But back in the 90s, Goosebumps was able to scare the living crap out of us without traumatizing us. The direction was superb and slick, the special effects were amazingly realistic (at first) and the music was so creepy.
Among the best of these episodes are Werewolf Skin, Werewolf of Fever Swamp, the Haunted Mask, Haunted Mask 2, Welcome to Dead House, Ghost Next Door, Perfect School, and anything with Slappy. But, as the series wore on, the series just lost its quality. Episodes like Shocker on Shock Street, How I Got My Shrunken Head, and My Hairiest Adventure came along with inconsistent plots, bad acting, lame special effects, and horrible differences from the books.
1: The Shark from Jaws, the Clown from Poltergeist, the Dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, or anything else from a PG or PG-13 rated scary movie.
Back in the '70s and '80s, horror films that weren't very graphic could be rated PG, as the PG-13 rating did not yet exist. So, kids flocked to these movies, and boy, did we regret it. PG films now look like this:
But in the 70s, this passed for a PG rating:
I think the creepiest scene from Poltergeist was the one with the clown. It was basically just a big clown doll that just sat there for the entire movie, but the audience was waiting for it to do something. It finally did, but we still jumped when it came to life. It went from this
to this
And I think that it is also pretty fair to mention Gremlins. Ah, Gremlins. The movie about Christmas that doesn't feel like a Christmas movie in any way. It's dark, spooky, and the puppets put CGI to shame. Ah, back in the 80s, things were real, so they looked real. But now they're not even there, so they look, not even there. If you are told something's CGI, you're like, yeah. But with puppets, you kind of question it.
Gremlins is about a dad who buys a mogwai, a type of furry creature from an Asian man in San Fransisco's Chinatown. But, he accidently gets splashed with water and multiplies, but those aren't as nice as Gismo. Suddenly, the other mogwais trick the people into feeding them after midnight, and then, they turn into hideous reptillian creatures called Gremlins, that wreak havoc all over town. This is where the film becomes disturbing. I mean, they kill people. They actually kill people. They throw an old bag out of a window on her chairlift, they shut off traffic lights, and they destroy property. Seriously, rent it, or google it. You will be shocked.
The kitchen scene is worth a watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIrd4172Czw&feature=related
This "spider" scene from Gremlins 2 is worth a mention: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=IX8FouoBf04&NR=1
By far, the movies that were thought of as something your parents could take you to, when they should be the only ones watching them, are the scariest parts of our childhoods.
This includes the Headless Horseman from Sleepy Hollow, the wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz, the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the banshee or the ghost coach from Darby O'Gill and the Little People, the donkey parts in Pinnochio, Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Maleficent and the creepy lady from Sleeping Beauty, the scary forest scene and the Hag Queen from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and the 101 Dalmations scary dog fight scene and scary close up of Cruella DeVil.
WHEW!!!! And I honestly don't think that I got them all.
But I think that the creepiest moment has to be the scene where Dumbo gets drunk and imagines pink elephants. It is so macabre and disturbing, that it looks like something Stephen King would make while on LSD. Even the parts where it is trying to be serene seem disturbing to me. Maybe it's even more relevent now then it was years ago. Elephants slowly multiply before turning into every single mindf*ck you could possibly think of, including snakes, a strange figure made up entirely of elephant heads, strange shapes, and eyeballs. Okay, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Read some of the lyrics:
I can stand the sight of worms, and look at microscopic germs, but technicolor pacoderms is really too much for me! Then the guy singing laughs and a pair of Cymbals smashes together.
What is the point of this scene? I think it is to teach us that everything has a meaning, but everything also means nothing. Total crap your pants philosophy.
And then, at the very end, elephants transform into trains, cars, planes, buses, and anything else that could possibly go fast and race towards each other until everything blows up. Dead elephants fall from the sky, turn into morning clouds, and... that's where it ends. That is actually where it ends.
You have got to see this if you haven't already:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcZUPDMXzJ8&feature=related
9: A tie between Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Let's compare here: Beetlejuice is a comedy about a crazy zombie who helps a dead couple scare the people out of their old home. The film is dark and filled with jumps. All in all, it's played for laughs. The snake scene is an exception.
This scene really just has Beetlejuice transform into a snake and start tormenting the houseguests. He doesn't really hurt anybody, but his appearance still scares you, and the fact that it isn't really a funny scene is also strange, because you don't really know what the scene is about. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9A7lCQsqGg
But The Nightmare Before Christmas is a completely different story altogether. I don't know exactly which genre to classify it in. I wouldn't call it comedy, action, horror, or drama. Probably comedy-musical. DARK comedy-musical. It is a wierd film about a guy from Halloweentown who sets out to discover what Christmas is all about, and has to stop the boogeyman along the way. I just don't know. I always thought it was too dark for kids, and I never really liked it, even if it did have a happy ending. But, a lot of people seem to like it, so, that's okay. But I think the creepiest scene is the part where everybody sings This Is Halloween.
You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOtEdhKOMgQ
8: The Joker from Batman.
Maybe I was the only kid who was scared of this guy, but 1989's Batman is one of the greatest superhero movies ever made. It basically involves a young boy who witnesses his parents killed by a street thug. The thug says "see ya around, kid" and leaves. The kid would grow up to be Bruce Wayne, billionaire and secret crime fighter by night. The thug, it turns out, grew up to be a mobster in crime-ridden Gotham City, but was set up to get caught in a police shoot by his partner, who wanted revenge for his affair with his girlfriend. The thug winds up getting hit in the face by a ricochet bullet, and falls into a vat of chemicals. The chemicals bleach his face white, and dyed his hair green. The thug goes for plastic surgery, but the nerves in his cheeks have been permenantly severed, and he winds up with a permenant rictus grin. The thug snaps, letting his sadistic sense of humor take over, and uses this as an outlet for his madness, kills his boss, and takes over the crime empire of Gotham.
But the scene that really creeped me out was the scene where you first see him. That, and the plastic surgery. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wotScx3Q7ZY. And now, the plastic surgery clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiAonyJIV_A.
And, I think that special praise should be reserved for Danny DeVito's Penguin.
I will admit, if I had seen Batman Returns when I was a kid, you can bet your life that the Penguin would be on this list. That's a promise.
7: Ghostbusters.
For the most part, Ghostbusters is a comedy. But when you are watching it as a kid, it is one of the scariest friggin' movies ever made! I know you will all think this is stupid, but I was always scared of Slimer. That's right, the little green blob that ate everyone's room service leftovers and never hurt anybody in any way. But the little thing creeped me out with his grotesque appearance, his disgusting teeth and slime, and the sound he makes while flying towards people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2nYqyfDMnQ
The opening scene with the ghost in the library was also pretty creepy,
and the part about the gargoyles or the marhsmallow man wasn't too sweet either.
But the scene that really creeped me out was the part in Ghostbusters 2 where all of the ghosts manifest themselves and run amok in New York. There's also a scene where the Titanic finally arrives.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g42EG7LD1UY&feature=related
6: The Furnace Scenes from Home Alone.
Everyone has seen Home Alone, I am almost positive. If you haven't, you have to see it, and Home Alone 2. You might be able to handle Home Alone 3, if you are just looking to laugh at the traps, not the rest of the film, because the traps are pretty funny, and they take up a good portion of the film. Home Alone 4 is the ungodly Home Alone film, it is a cheap, made-for-tv sequel that lacks any Home Alone feel the rest of the series had. But the first Home Alone also had a scene that always creeped me out as a kid, and made me fast-forward through. It was the scene where Kevin goes to the basement to see if anyone is down there. Kevin, like all kids, is afraid of his unfinished basement, and doesn't go down there that often. So, naturally, he looks uneasy during this scene. Creepy music plays as the camera pans over the bizarre stuff in his basement, which only adds to the building tension in the scene. Then, he notices the creepy looking furnace. Suddenly the furnace comes to life and starts calling his name. Kevin flees. Then, it reappears later in the film, but Kevin isn't afraid of it.
5: The messed up tunnel scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
For the most part, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a very fun family film. It is about a poor boy who loves chocolate, who wins a once-in-a-lifetime tour to a private chocolate factory, with a bonus, a lifetime supply of chocolate! At the end, he is also chosen to be the future owner of the factory, as all of the other kids who won the tour were spoiled brats. So, why is this film on the list? Well, there is one scene that just comes out of NOWHERE!!!! It involves Willy Wonka's boat that is driving down the chocolate river, when it enters a tunnel that is just scary for no reason. Every phobia you can imagine is projected onto the walls, with enough grotesque imagery to fill a planet. All while a mercilessly fast theme plays and Wonka recietes a poem in the creepiest way possible and proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs. And it ends there. No more terror, chaos, and death. Just serene chocolate, strange oompa-loompas, and fun inventions. Okay. Let's just go with that, I guess. I would think that there would be talk of a lawsuit, or people leaving, or at least asking what was up with the tunnel. But no, nobody ever talks about it again, not even right after they stop the boat.
Well, you can watch it here and I really want you to note the change in mood about a minute in. Nobody expects it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X48RiKQmFQ
4: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come from 1984's A Christmas Carol.
Nobody has ever made the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come truly terrifying, not even Charles Dickens himself. It is simply meant to be a messenger of death. But in 1984's A Christmas Carol, they already had George C. Scott, (the best Scrooge, in my opinion) an actual England filming location, the best sets, the best cast, the best script, and the best Marley's ghost.
But, since they already had the creepiest Marley, they decided to use those elements that worked so well in that scene in the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. Only one film has even come close to this version, and that is The Muppet Christmas Carol, and that still didn't work because it was shown in broad daylight, had no creepy music, and had no style.
In this one, right after the Ghost of Christmas Present does something creepy (here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R_-cmdcQm0&feature=related) he leaves Scrooge abandoned on Christmas eve, in the middle of the night, under a bridge in a bad part of London. Scrooge nods off and wakes up to discover a heavy fog has shrouded the city, with a little bit of light illuminating a ghost right in front of a sewer tunnel. The ghost says nothing, in fact, you never even see it, you only see its black sillouhette. It looks like a person in a robe, only you can't tell which gender it is, and when it shows its arm, it doesn't look human. Scrooge asks the ghost questions, but it never says anything, and the ghost only gestures with a creepy chord in the background. If Scrooge wasn't convinced to change his ways before, he certainly would be after this specter got ahold of him. If you haven't seen it yet, please do. It is (in my opinion) the best adaptation of the story.
You can see the ghost scene here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN1skEKYges
3: Large Marge from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.
Let's talk about Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. Made in 1985, it was director Tim Burton's first movie, and it was also a first for Paul Reubens, also known as "Pee-Wee Herman", who continued to appear in programs like Big Top Pee-Wee and even his own show, known as Pee-Wee's Playhouse. But it all started with this movie. And don't get me wrong, it is one of my favorite movies. It is truly timeless and hilarious. But there is one scene that just comes out of nowhere. Nobody expects it, not even the grown-ups. Pee-Wee, while hitchhiking at night, gets picked up by a trucker named "Large Marge", who tells a ghost story about the worst accdient she's ever seen. This story, although played for laughs, builds up some kind of suspense, right as Large Marge's face just explodes into some kind of monster! And then, that's it. The scene is over. WHAT WAS THAT?!?!! Even today, people are scared of this scene, because it just comes out of NOWHERE. And at the very end, something is said that gives everyone chills and effectively ends the entire scene. If you haven't seen Pee-Wee's Big Adventure yet, do. It is a very funny film, and good for all ages.
Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RryZV8NK9-QHere it is:
2: Pretty much anything from Goosebumps.
Okay, it is pretty obvious to me that Goosebumps is one of the greatest nostalgic television shows ever. Basically, in the mid-90s, Goosebumps was a scary series for kids. Back in the 90s, it was okay to expose kids to different generes. Comedy (spongebob), drama and action (Sonic the hedgehog or Batman), and even horror (Goosebumps). But nowadays, kids are exposed to comedy and ONLY comedy. There's no diversity. That's why books are so important. But back in the 90s, Goosebumps was able to scare the living crap out of us without traumatizing us. The direction was superb and slick, the special effects were amazingly realistic (at first) and the music was so creepy.
Among the best of these episodes are Werewolf Skin, Werewolf of Fever Swamp, the Haunted Mask, Haunted Mask 2, Welcome to Dead House, Ghost Next Door, Perfect School, and anything with Slappy. But, as the series wore on, the series just lost its quality. Episodes like Shocker on Shock Street, How I Got My Shrunken Head, and My Hairiest Adventure came along with inconsistent plots, bad acting, lame special effects, and horrible differences from the books.
1: The Shark from Jaws, the Clown from Poltergeist, the Dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, or anything else from a PG or PG-13 rated scary movie.
Back in the '70s and '80s, horror films that weren't very graphic could be rated PG, as the PG-13 rating did not yet exist. So, kids flocked to these movies, and boy, did we regret it. PG films now look like this:
But in the 70s, this passed for a PG rating:
I think the creepiest scene from Poltergeist was the one with the clown. It was basically just a big clown doll that just sat there for the entire movie, but the audience was waiting for it to do something. It finally did, but we still jumped when it came to life. It went from this
to this
And I think that it is also pretty fair to mention Gremlins. Ah, Gremlins. The movie about Christmas that doesn't feel like a Christmas movie in any way. It's dark, spooky, and the puppets put CGI to shame. Ah, back in the 80s, things were real, so they looked real. But now they're not even there, so they look, not even there. If you are told something's CGI, you're like, yeah. But with puppets, you kind of question it.
Gremlins is about a dad who buys a mogwai, a type of furry creature from an Asian man in San Fransisco's Chinatown. But, he accidently gets splashed with water and multiplies, but those aren't as nice as Gismo. Suddenly, the other mogwais trick the people into feeding them after midnight, and then, they turn into hideous reptillian creatures called Gremlins, that wreak havoc all over town. This is where the film becomes disturbing. I mean, they kill people. They actually kill people. They throw an old bag out of a window on her chairlift, they shut off traffic lights, and they destroy property. Seriously, rent it, or google it. You will be shocked.
The kitchen scene is worth a watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIrd4172Czw&feature=related
This "spider" scene from Gremlins 2 is worth a mention: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=IX8FouoBf04&NR=1
By far, the movies that were thought of as something your parents could take you to, when they should be the only ones watching them, are the scariest parts of our childhoods.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Superman III
Okay, before we begin here, I just want to say that I don't HATE Superman. In fact, it's one of my favorite film series'. But only three of the five films are worth watching. Those are Superman, Superman II, and Superman Returns. I found this out the hard way, when I bought all four films for ten bucks from Target. This seems like a pretty good deal, which it is, but now I feel cheated that I paid ten bucks for Superman III and IV. So, let's dive right into Superman III.
The Main Characters
Superman/Clark Kent/Evil Superman: Christopher Reeve! Okay, here Superman does a pretty decent job playing the evil Superman and the good Clark Kent. But he still can't save this movie.
Lois Lane: Margot Kidder! One of the most annoying, selfish, conniving, manipulative, high strung reporters/photographers ever is FINALLY in this movie for under three minutes. She apparently goes to Bermuda because, I guess they couldn't afford to keep her on set for more than two hours.
Perry White: Jackie Cooper! He pretty much plays the same guy he did in the last two. Editor of the Daily Planet.
Gus Gorman: Richard Pryor! He pretty much just plays... Richard Pryor. A less funny version of.... Richard Pryor. Let's move on!
Lana: Annette O'Toole! Apparently she reconciles with Clark after seeing him at their high school reunion and moves to Metropolis to be with him. Does she appear in Superman IV? No. Who knows what happened to her, despite the fact that she moved several states away to be with him.
Brad: Gavan O'Herlihy (whoever that is). Now, okay, this has got to be the most stereotypical bully of all time. Basically, he used to be a football star in school and now he's a bachelor and an alcoholic. So, of course he thinks he's God's gift to women (because he's a REAL catch) and is always giving kids pointers on sports. And what on Earth are two people with O' in front of their names doing in this movie??
Ross Webster: Robert Vaughn. This millionaire is absolutely ridiculous. Though he's already rich, he gets Gus Gorman to control a weather satellite so he can control the weather (?) so he is able to dominate the world's coffee supply. But, he tries to destroy Superman after he stops it.
Ricky: Paul Kaethler. This kid has got to be the dumbest, most accident prone son ever! He meets Superman but feels the need to get his autograph after he says goodbye, so, then he tells everyone that Superman will be at his birthday party, and he has to be saved after he falls unconsious in front of a combine harvester. What an idiot.
The Plot
Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor) has gotten one too many unemployment checks and decides to finally start looking for a job. And he makes it look like it's everyone's fault but his own because he was too lazy to get a job. He discovers he has a knack for programming computers and is hired by eccentric multi millionaire Ross Webster. What follows is one of the most accident prone slapstick themed opening credits ever. But before I tell you about the scene, I have got to tell you about the actual credits. While all the other movies make a bang when it comes to the credits, this one just doesn't. These credits look nothing like the usual credits, and in fact, they just sort of pass by! I guess, this has Richard Pryor in it, so since they made it a comedy, they probably want to let the viewer focus on the HILARIOUS comedy. It involves a blind man, a fire hydrant, a blonde bombshell, and a mime. It sets off a chain of events in which several people are injured.
Of course, this eventually leads to a car crashing onto a fire hydrant, and the car fills up with water in seconds. Okay, what? So, Superman changes in a photo booth and saves the man, which he couldn't have done himself, I guess. And the man is still alive somehow, because two minutes ago, his entire car was filled up with water. Superman then goes back to Smallville for his class reunion. But on the way there, they come across a nuclear power plant. The reporter he is traveling with wants to stay and take pictures, but Clark goes and changes into Superman. While trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown, he discovers a scientist who tells him that there are experimental fuel cells that will explode if they are not kept at a certain temperature. Well, that's kind of an overlook on their part, it's not exactly safe. Superman doesn't waste time with his "freeze breath", who cares about that? Instead, he literally rips an entire lake out of the ground and drenchest the plant. Well done, for taking the long way to victory, Superman. Well done. So, he arrives in Smallville and reconciles with his old flame, Lana, a divorced mother. Her son, Ricky, falls unconsious in a field and Clark hears how combine harvesters are coming towards him. Superman saves Ricky, but this isn't enough for some reason, as he wants an autograph, too. After this, he tells everyone at school that Superman will be coming to his birthday party.
Meanwhile, Webster decides he wants more money and tells Gorman to reprogram a weather sattelite so he can CONTROL THE WEATHER!!! Yeah, because that is so simple to do! He wants to do it because he wants to control the coffee industry, by threatening to flood Colombia if they don't fork over the dough. But there are more countries that make coffee, you know. So, Gus does this and the news reports chaos all over the streets. However, when Gus returns he tells his boss that Superman dried up all of the water, foiling his scheme. Also, in this scene, it actually has Richard Pryor doing a voice over of footage of Superman drying up the crops. Why this was not in the news is beyond me. So, he gets angry and retreats to his ski hill built on top of a sky scraper. (?) Of course, Richard Pryor falls off the skyscraper and, dressed in a pink shawl which he had earlier used to play Superman with, is walking through traffic in skis and a pink shawl. Okay, that got a laugh out of me, because everything else he had said was ridiculous. Gus creates synthetic Kryptonite out of the materials that make it up, but he improvises with tar and travels to Smallville disguised as a soldier in an attempt to kill Superman.
However, it seemingly doesn't work. I guess just replacing the contents of synthetic Kryptonite with tar just won't work. And to think, I made sugar cookies the other day, but ran out of sugar. So, I just added "tar" and they turned out fine!
However, Superman has been acting strangely, he seems distant. He seems like he just couldn't care about anyone's problems. He actually decides to spend time lusting after Lana. When she tells him that a bridge has collapsed, he postpones getting there, and switches back to his normal self. He flies to the bridge, where the authorities just kind of say "Hey, Superman! You didn't make it! Sorry!" And that's the end of that. No emotion from the cops, they just kind of chastise Superman for not helping them, although they were at the scene, so why couldn't they have done it? Superman flies back to Metropolis, where he quite literally "screws around" with one of the billionaire's assistants. The next day, Lana decides out of nowhere that she just wants to pack up and move to Metropolis, where she has no job and no family, so apparently it's just for Clark. (She doesn't know he's Superman, right? So, why would she move when she barely knows him?) They go to Metropolis, where Superman decides to be some kind of a prankster, doing "dastardly" things like making the "leaning" tower of Pisa in Italy straight, and blowing out the Olympic torch. Ooh, that fiend! So, Superman then decides to duke it out with himself (?) in a junkyard, where the two personalities have finally split. Okay, this scene is completely confusing. You've got this guy, okay, a mild mannered reporter, who has superpowers. So, then all of a sudden, he splits in two. Clark strangles the man of steel somehow, and realizes that now he must be both, and not one. Okay. Couldn't you have noticed that without the epic battle scene? I mean, we don't even know if that was real. How could it be, right? But how could it be fake? Was it a dream, a hallucination? So, Superman goes to stop the DASTARDLY rich criminals, who have had Gus build them a supercomputer in the Grand Canyon for some reason. Okay, the Grand Canyon is in ARIZONA, and Metropolis is in NEW YORK! How did they even transport that giant computer, where did they get the power, and why did they choose the Grand Canyon??? For dramatic effect? So, Superman comes in and chastises them for trying to kill everyone in Colombia. Superman, however, is shot by a bubble, where he begins to suffocate. What. Superman could breathe IN SPACE, and now he can't go long without oxygen? WHAT THE %25#@$?!?! Gus feels a pang of consience, because he never "meant" to kill Superman. Okay, that's like saying you never "knowingly" took steroids. He friggin' HANDED him Kryptonite, and now he doesn't want to kill him? While Superman is trapped, they use the computer to cause chaos in Metropolis, where Lana is. This is where I thought, great! A truly awesome scene, where he has to juggle Lana and the bad guys. But no. This has no signifigance. With Gus's help, the man of steel escapes, but not before the supercomputer somehow captures one of the billionaires and turns her into a ROBOT!!!
No, I'm not making this up! If you don't believe me, click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuSsSwg9MXs
So, with Gus's help, Superman destroys the cave and kills everyone. Wow. Bleak for a PG movie. He takes Gus and flies very slowly, yet they are able to make it to, I think Arkansas, in less than 3 minutes. They arrive at a power plant where Superman crushes a chunk of coal with his bare hands and turns it into a diamond. Okay, I don't care who you are, that's friggin' awesome! He takes the diamond and tells them that if they need a computer programmer, then Gus is their man. Gus, however, rebuffs their offer for some reason, and walks to the bus station some 20 miles away. Why he did not take the free ride from Superman I will never know. Back in Metropolis, Clark gives Lana the large stone and she is happy. Then the douche who is acting better than everybody is HILARIOUSLY humiliated when he falls into some food.
And they all lived Happily ever after.... except for Gus, who is still unemployed and except for Clark and Lana, because they don't even show up in the sequel, so what was the point of that subplot, but come to think of it, he can't be in a relationship anyway because she would discover the secret about him. BUT ANYWAY, LET'S JUST GO WITH THAT!!!!!!
Great Prose Alert
"I ask you to kill Superman, and you're telling me you couldn't even do that one, simple thing."
Well, Mr. Webster, if it is so easy, why don't YOU do it???
Guess Which Film This is From!
Believe it or not, this shot is from Superman III. If I showed you this, would you think Superman III? No. Tell me this single shot does not tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about Superman III. Richard Pryor in the Twinkie mascot's hat.
Conclusions
This is worse than Superman IV. It's that bad. I think it's worse than IV because it has a woman turn into a ROBOT. You have got to be friggin kidding me! In a Superman movie? Come to think of it, if all you saw for Superman III were the robot scene and the opening "wah-wah-wah" scene, you probably wouldn't even think that it was a Superman movie! Not to mention that Richard Pryor gets more screen time than Superman, the villain is stupid, Richard Pryor isn't funny, the effects are cheese, and the film was obviously only made for money! In fact, in the credits of Superman II, you saw: COMING SOON: SUPERMAN III. So, it would have been really cool if a Superman clone was made. In fact, when I saw the scene in the junkyard on TV, I was certain that that's what it was about, and I thought, ooh, awesome! Superman against HIMSELF! You could do a lot with that. But with this, eh. You can't really do much with what they were given. A rushed cast, script, and effects.
0 stars.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Top 10 DUMBEST Halloween series moments
It all started with the one, the only, the classic, Halloween in 1978. Made on a budget of 320,000 dollars, Halloween gave big scares without giving very much at all. And then the hollywood sequel made the series a complete joke by part 6. What are the moments that ruined it? Let's find out, with the ten stupidest moments in the Halloween series.
10: Everything from the remakes.
Okay, first of all, I do appreciate Rob Zombie for at least trying to introduce something different into the series. But WHY DID HE HAVE TO MAKE IT SO FRIGGIN' WIERD??? Okay, first of all, all the men in the two movies have girly hair, and Michael from the remake was a chubby little freak. When you heard him talk, and felt sympathy for him, it made him not scary. Why give him a motive when he is scarier when he doesn't have one? Okay, I will admit that I liked how it did more of the trial and showed how he killed more than one person, but I don't know why they had to go into so much detail about it all. Also, I do like how they made him behave like an actual insane person, who likes to hide behind masks and wants to show Laurie that she is his sister rather than kill her, but why?
9: Loomis's beard from Halloween 6.
What, did he turn into Chester Alan Arthur??? Okay, maybe this is a nitpick, but this beard just looks ridiculous. I mean, really stupid. Dr. Loomis had a moustache, not mutated sideburns that covered his cheeks. You know, long sideburns were for men who were loading flint lock muskets so their cheeks wouldn't get burned off from sparks. I don't think Loomis was loading a flint lock musket any time in the series. So, what was the point? It doesn't fit him at all. Whose idea was this? Who said: "Hey, let's give him this really stupid looking beard that he has never shown any signs of growing before and that hasn't been in style since 1846." This beard feels like a victorian nobleman, not Dr. Loomis. No offense to the late Donald Pleasence, but why on Earth did they give him such a ridiculous beard???
8: The hydrotherapy scalding death from Halloween II.
Okay, I'll be the first one to say that I really liked Halloween II.
The original one.
I thought that Rick Rosenthal did a pretty good job with keeping the atmosphere of the original, despite the fact that it had a lot of blood. Whatever, it was still a darn good movie with a classy atmosphere. However, it certainly wasn't without its problems. Like that really stupid scene where he stabs someone with a tiny surgical scalpel and lifts her, like, four feet in the air. Okay, first of all, he isn't superman, he's a mental patient. Second, scalpels do not support weight like that. It would have gone deeper into her torso instead of staying in place long enough for her to be lifted up. They certainly missed a good opportunity to have a really cool kill, but instead made it so corny it's laughable.
But the one that really takes the cake is the hydrotherapy death. Where a horny nurse (imagine that) goes skinny dipping in a hydrotherapy tub before getting her head dunked several times in hot water, which somehow kills her. (?) You figure that out. I know that a lot of people really liked this death. And I did, too. But it didn't feel like a Halloween death. It felt like a Friday the 13th death. Lots of gore and implausibility. Halloween was classy. It was very realistic, and that was part of the reason it was so great. The original never had a death like that. Michael never was over the top in his deaths. He never would have gone to that much work to kill someone. So, first of all, why on Earth did that thing go so friggin hot??? I mean, if you are treating burn patients, you won't scald them! Second of all, how did she die? I mean, it must have hurt, but she wasn't drowned. She was just scalded, which apparently killed her. Third of all, how wasn't Michael's hand scalded?
7: The teenagers from Halloween: H20.
Halloween H20 managed to salvage what Halloween 6 destroyed. But the one problem with this is the teenagers. They don't act like teenagers. If you were wondering who is responsible for this, just thank Mr. Kevin Williamson, creator of Jersey Shore.
6: Michael's immortality from, well, all of them!
I know, the ending of the first film, as implausible as it was, left us all with a feeling of dread, and by the end of Halloween 4, I wanted him to die. And he did. But his evil went into Jamie, and that was the PERFECT conclusion to the franchise. But then Halloween 5 rolled around, and, yeah.
5: The Lousy Cops from Halloween 5.
Maybe this is a nitpick, but I really HATED Halloween 5. There were a couple good scenes, like the laundry chute sequence, but everything else pretty much sucked. I'll go on record any day by saying that Halloween 4 was really good, but this film screwed up pretty much everything that Halloween 4 made good. Let me name a few: the net that was somehow installed in the meyers house, the telekenesis, making Jamie mute and "good" again, after she murdered someone in the last film, the scythe decapitation, all of the annoying fake outs by the same guy in the mask, the stereotypical characters, making Rachel a blond bimbo, and how Michael survived getting blown to bits. But that would be all forgivable, if it weren't for the two lousy cops. These guys were cops, who for the entire movie, did nothing right. They were assigned to protect a party from a mass murderer, do they? No. They sit in their squad car the entire time and eat donuts. Come on, these guys are making Chief Wiggum look efficient!
And the worst part is that they actually SAY that they are lousy cops! Who calls themselves lousy? Who? These guys were just annoying. When they see Michael walking towards their squad car with a pitchfork, they don't even do anything. They just say stop a couple times, but never once draw their guns! These cops were the stereotypical 'dumb cops' in all slasher films. In the first couple films, heck, even in the PREVIOUS FILM, the police were portrayed as everyday people, doing thier jobs and whatever it takes to keep the people of Haddonfield safe. Those are REAL cops. They are friendly, intelligent, determined people that work hard and have to to keep their jobs. These are bad actors playing cartoon versions of cops. I can't believe that they care about these people. They sure don't act like it! Did they just hand them the police academy diploma? Again, maybe a nitpick, but it wouldn't be that bad if in the first films they didn't portray them doing everything right, and then in the next one say that they're all idiots.
4: Jamie's telekenisis from Halloween 5.
WHY did they make one of the series' best characters friggin TELEPATHIC?!?! I mean, REALLY!!! Is there an explanation? No. Is there a reason? No. Is there a purpose? No. It's simply added to the film to make it the silliest film in the series, the film every good franchise must have. The film may as well be called Carrie vs. Michael, because the idea is really friggin stupid! Halloween 5 is where the series seriously went downhill. I will admit, if not for Halloween H20 and Resurrection, the series would be dead.
3: The cult of thorn from Halloween 5 and 6.
I know you can't keep a series interesting by having no answer to why Michael kills, but the cult of thorn was just plain silly. I know they tried, but at least it could have been something realistic by childhood trauma or something. What made Michael so scary in the first place was the fact that he had no motive. In fact, Billy Loomis from Scream once said:
"Why? Why? You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well, I haven't got one, Sid. Did Norman Bates have a motive? Did they ever decide why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? DON'T THINK SO. See, it's a whole lot scarier when there's no motive. That motive enough for ya?"
(Well, they did give them motives in Hannibal: Rising and Psycho IV: The Beginning, but those sucked. Screw prequels!)
2: The head explosion, from Halloween 6.
Basically this guy gets electrocuted and his head explodes. How does this happen? What, is Michael a Scanner now?
(Scanners was a movie where a guy's head explodes. To watch it, click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdwPGZi-3yQ)
I think that if anyone knows the basics of electricity, two things happen. One, no part of your body explodes, and two, electricity is not visible as it is coursing through your body, unless you're invisible. *cough Friday the 13th Part 7 and 8*
1: Busta Rhymes from Halloween: Resurrection.
Okay, first let me just say that I didn't HATE Halloween: Resurrection. In fact, I think that it is one of the most original and suspenseful films in the series. Sure, it does follow the whole "final girl" formula that most cliched slashers suffer from, but I still think it is superior to H20, and has a great Michael Myers (Canadian stuntman and Halloween fan Brad Loree) and one of the best masks in the series. But Busta Rhymes is the thing that REALLY annoyed me and Halloween fans alike. Therefore, the only reason the character is so annoying is simply because of Busta Rhymes! He is just cussing every other sentence because he feels like ad-libbing it into the script. Not to mention that out of all the characters, Busta Rhymes is the hero. The guy who actually takes out Michael Myers!!! Can you believe it? The guy is just bad news. He is annoying, repetetive, stereotypical, stupid, and completely cartoonish. When Michael stabbed him, I jumped for joy. Too bad he somehow survived and became one of two survivors. :(
10: Everything from the remakes.
Okay, first of all, I do appreciate Rob Zombie for at least trying to introduce something different into the series. But WHY DID HE HAVE TO MAKE IT SO FRIGGIN' WIERD??? Okay, first of all, all the men in the two movies have girly hair, and Michael from the remake was a chubby little freak. When you heard him talk, and felt sympathy for him, it made him not scary. Why give him a motive when he is scarier when he doesn't have one? Okay, I will admit that I liked how it did more of the trial and showed how he killed more than one person, but I don't know why they had to go into so much detail about it all. Also, I do like how they made him behave like an actual insane person, who likes to hide behind masks and wants to show Laurie that she is his sister rather than kill her, but why?
9: Loomis's beard from Halloween 6.
What, did he turn into Chester Alan Arthur??? Okay, maybe this is a nitpick, but this beard just looks ridiculous. I mean, really stupid. Dr. Loomis had a moustache, not mutated sideburns that covered his cheeks. You know, long sideburns were for men who were loading flint lock muskets so their cheeks wouldn't get burned off from sparks. I don't think Loomis was loading a flint lock musket any time in the series. So, what was the point? It doesn't fit him at all. Whose idea was this? Who said: "Hey, let's give him this really stupid looking beard that he has never shown any signs of growing before and that hasn't been in style since 1846." This beard feels like a victorian nobleman, not Dr. Loomis. No offense to the late Donald Pleasence, but why on Earth did they give him such a ridiculous beard???
8: The hydrotherapy scalding death from Halloween II.
Okay, I'll be the first one to say that I really liked Halloween II.
The original one.
I thought that Rick Rosenthal did a pretty good job with keeping the atmosphere of the original, despite the fact that it had a lot of blood. Whatever, it was still a darn good movie with a classy atmosphere. However, it certainly wasn't without its problems. Like that really stupid scene where he stabs someone with a tiny surgical scalpel and lifts her, like, four feet in the air. Okay, first of all, he isn't superman, he's a mental patient. Second, scalpels do not support weight like that. It would have gone deeper into her torso instead of staying in place long enough for her to be lifted up. They certainly missed a good opportunity to have a really cool kill, but instead made it so corny it's laughable.
But the one that really takes the cake is the hydrotherapy death. Where a horny nurse (imagine that) goes skinny dipping in a hydrotherapy tub before getting her head dunked several times in hot water, which somehow kills her. (?) You figure that out. I know that a lot of people really liked this death. And I did, too. But it didn't feel like a Halloween death. It felt like a Friday the 13th death. Lots of gore and implausibility. Halloween was classy. It was very realistic, and that was part of the reason it was so great. The original never had a death like that. Michael never was over the top in his deaths. He never would have gone to that much work to kill someone. So, first of all, why on Earth did that thing go so friggin hot??? I mean, if you are treating burn patients, you won't scald them! Second of all, how did she die? I mean, it must have hurt, but she wasn't drowned. She was just scalded, which apparently killed her. Third of all, how wasn't Michael's hand scalded?
7: The teenagers from Halloween: H20.
Halloween H20 managed to salvage what Halloween 6 destroyed. But the one problem with this is the teenagers. They don't act like teenagers. If you were wondering who is responsible for this, just thank Mr. Kevin Williamson, creator of Jersey Shore.
6: Michael's immortality from, well, all of them!
I know, the ending of the first film, as implausible as it was, left us all with a feeling of dread, and by the end of Halloween 4, I wanted him to die. And he did. But his evil went into Jamie, and that was the PERFECT conclusion to the franchise. But then Halloween 5 rolled around, and, yeah.
5: The Lousy Cops from Halloween 5.
Maybe this is a nitpick, but I really HATED Halloween 5. There were a couple good scenes, like the laundry chute sequence, but everything else pretty much sucked. I'll go on record any day by saying that Halloween 4 was really good, but this film screwed up pretty much everything that Halloween 4 made good. Let me name a few: the net that was somehow installed in the meyers house, the telekenesis, making Jamie mute and "good" again, after she murdered someone in the last film, the scythe decapitation, all of the annoying fake outs by the same guy in the mask, the stereotypical characters, making Rachel a blond bimbo, and how Michael survived getting blown to bits. But that would be all forgivable, if it weren't for the two lousy cops. These guys were cops, who for the entire movie, did nothing right. They were assigned to protect a party from a mass murderer, do they? No. They sit in their squad car the entire time and eat donuts. Come on, these guys are making Chief Wiggum look efficient!
And the worst part is that they actually SAY that they are lousy cops! Who calls themselves lousy? Who? These guys were just annoying. When they see Michael walking towards their squad car with a pitchfork, they don't even do anything. They just say stop a couple times, but never once draw their guns! These cops were the stereotypical 'dumb cops' in all slasher films. In the first couple films, heck, even in the PREVIOUS FILM, the police were portrayed as everyday people, doing thier jobs and whatever it takes to keep the people of Haddonfield safe. Those are REAL cops. They are friendly, intelligent, determined people that work hard and have to to keep their jobs. These are bad actors playing cartoon versions of cops. I can't believe that they care about these people. They sure don't act like it! Did they just hand them the police academy diploma? Again, maybe a nitpick, but it wouldn't be that bad if in the first films they didn't portray them doing everything right, and then in the next one say that they're all idiots.
4: Jamie's telekenisis from Halloween 5.
WHY did they make one of the series' best characters friggin TELEPATHIC?!?! I mean, REALLY!!! Is there an explanation? No. Is there a reason? No. Is there a purpose? No. It's simply added to the film to make it the silliest film in the series, the film every good franchise must have. The film may as well be called Carrie vs. Michael, because the idea is really friggin stupid! Halloween 5 is where the series seriously went downhill. I will admit, if not for Halloween H20 and Resurrection, the series would be dead.
3: The cult of thorn from Halloween 5 and 6.
I know you can't keep a series interesting by having no answer to why Michael kills, but the cult of thorn was just plain silly. I know they tried, but at least it could have been something realistic by childhood trauma or something. What made Michael so scary in the first place was the fact that he had no motive. In fact, Billy Loomis from Scream once said:
"Why? Why? You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well, I haven't got one, Sid. Did Norman Bates have a motive? Did they ever decide why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? DON'T THINK SO. See, it's a whole lot scarier when there's no motive. That motive enough for ya?"
(Well, they did give them motives in Hannibal: Rising and Psycho IV: The Beginning, but those sucked. Screw prequels!)
2: The head explosion, from Halloween 6.
Basically this guy gets electrocuted and his head explodes. How does this happen? What, is Michael a Scanner now?
(Scanners was a movie where a guy's head explodes. To watch it, click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdwPGZi-3yQ)
I think that if anyone knows the basics of electricity, two things happen. One, no part of your body explodes, and two, electricity is not visible as it is coursing through your body, unless you're invisible. *cough Friday the 13th Part 7 and 8*
1: Busta Rhymes from Halloween: Resurrection.
Okay, first let me just say that I didn't HATE Halloween: Resurrection. In fact, I think that it is one of the most original and suspenseful films in the series. Sure, it does follow the whole "final girl" formula that most cliched slashers suffer from, but I still think it is superior to H20, and has a great Michael Myers (Canadian stuntman and Halloween fan Brad Loree) and one of the best masks in the series. But Busta Rhymes is the thing that REALLY annoyed me and Halloween fans alike. Therefore, the only reason the character is so annoying is simply because of Busta Rhymes! He is just cussing every other sentence because he feels like ad-libbing it into the script. Not to mention that out of all the characters, Busta Rhymes is the hero. The guy who actually takes out Michael Myers!!! Can you believe it? The guy is just bad news. He is annoying, repetetive, stereotypical, stupid, and completely cartoonish. When Michael stabbed him, I jumped for joy. Too bad he somehow survived and became one of two survivors. :(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)