Top 10 DUMBEST Halloween series moments

It all started with the one, the only, the classic, Halloween in 1978. Made on a budget of 320,000 dollars, Halloween gave big scares without giving very much at all. And then the hollywood sequel made the series a complete joke by part 6. What are the moments that ruined it? Let's find out, with the ten stupidest moments in the Halloween series.

10: Everything from the remakes.
Okay, first of all, I do appreciate Rob Zombie for at least trying to introduce something different into the series. But WHY DID HE HAVE TO MAKE IT SO FRIGGIN' WIERD??? Okay, first of all, all the men in the two movies have girly hair, and Michael from the remake was a chubby little freak. When you heard him talk, and felt sympathy for him, it made him not scary. Why give him a motive when he is scarier when he doesn't have one? Okay, I will admit that I liked how it did more of the trial and showed how he killed more than one person, but I don't know why they had to go into so much detail about it all. Also, I do like how they made him behave like an actual insane person, who likes to hide behind masks and wants to show Laurie that she is his sister rather than kill her, but why?
9: Loomis's beard from Halloween 6.
What, did he turn into Chester Alan Arthur??? Okay, maybe this is a nitpick, but this beard just looks ridiculous. I mean, really stupid. Dr. Loomis had a moustache, not mutated sideburns that covered his cheeks. You know, long sideburns were for men who were loading flint lock muskets so their cheeks wouldn't get burned off from sparks. I don't think Loomis was loading a flint lock musket any time in the series. So, what was the point? It doesn't fit him at all. Whose idea was this? Who said: "Hey, let's give him this really stupid looking beard that he has never shown any signs of growing before and that hasn't been in style since 1846." This beard feels like a victorian nobleman, not Dr. Loomis. No offense to the late Donald Pleasence, but why on Earth did they give him such a ridiculous beard???
8: The hydrotherapy scalding death from Halloween II.
Okay, I'll be the first one to say that I really liked Halloween II.


The original one.


I thought that Rick Rosenthal did a pretty good job with keeping the atmosphere of the original, despite the fact that it had a lot of blood. Whatever, it was still a darn good movie with a classy atmosphere. However, it certainly wasn't without its problems. Like that really stupid scene where he stabs someone with a tiny surgical scalpel and lifts her, like, four feet in the air. Okay, first of all, he isn't superman, he's a mental patient. Second, scalpels do not support weight like that. It would have gone deeper into her torso instead of staying in place long enough for her to be lifted up. They certainly missed a good opportunity to have a really cool kill, but instead made it so corny it's laughable.
But the one that really takes the cake is the hydrotherapy death. Where a horny nurse (imagine that) goes skinny dipping in a hydrotherapy tub before getting her head dunked several times in hot water, which somehow kills her. (?) You figure that out. I know that a lot of people really liked this death. And I did, too. But it didn't feel like a Halloween death. It felt like a Friday the 13th death. Lots of gore and implausibility. Halloween was classy. It was very realistic, and that was part of the reason it was so great. The original never had a death like that. Michael never was over the top in his deaths. He never would have gone to that much work to kill someone. So, first of all, why on Earth did that thing go so friggin hot??? I mean, if you are treating burn patients, you won't scald them! Second of all, how did she die? I mean, it must have hurt, but she wasn't drowned. She was just scalded, which apparently killed her. Third of all, how wasn't Michael's hand scalded?
7: The teenagers from Halloween: H20.
Halloween H20 managed to salvage what Halloween 6 destroyed. But the one problem with this is the teenagers. They don't act like teenagers. If you were wondering who is responsible for this, just thank Mr. Kevin Williamson, creator of Jersey Shore.
6: Michael's immortality from, well, all of them!
I know, the ending of the first film, as implausible as it was, left us all with a feeling of dread, and by the end of Halloween 4, I wanted him to die. And he did. But his evil went into Jamie, and that was the PERFECT conclusion to the franchise. But then Halloween 5 rolled around, and, yeah.
5: The Lousy Cops from Halloween 5.
Maybe this is a nitpick, but I really HATED Halloween 5. There were a couple good scenes, like the laundry chute sequence, but everything else pretty much sucked. I'll go on record any day by saying that Halloween 4 was really good, but this film screwed up pretty much everything that Halloween 4 made good. Let me name a few: the net that was somehow installed in the meyers house, the telekenesis, making Jamie mute and "good" again, after she murdered someone in the last film, the scythe decapitation, all of the annoying fake outs by the same guy in the mask, the stereotypical characters, making Rachel a blond bimbo, and how Michael survived getting blown to bits. But that would be all forgivable, if it weren't for the two lousy cops. These guys were cops, who for the entire movie, did nothing right. They were assigned to protect a party from a mass murderer, do they? No. They sit in their squad car the entire time and eat donuts. Come on, these guys are making Chief Wiggum look efficient!

And the worst part is that they actually SAY that they are lousy cops! Who calls themselves lousy? Who? These guys were just annoying. When they see Michael walking towards their squad car with a pitchfork, they don't even do anything. They just say stop a couple times, but never once draw their guns! These cops were the stereotypical 'dumb cops' in all slasher films. In the first couple films, heck, even in the PREVIOUS FILM, the police were portrayed as everyday people, doing thier jobs and whatever it takes to keep the people of Haddonfield safe. Those are REAL cops. They are friendly, intelligent, determined people that work hard and have to to keep their jobs. These are bad actors playing cartoon versions of cops. I can't believe that they care about these people. They sure don't act like it! Did they just hand them the police academy diploma? Again, maybe a nitpick, but it wouldn't be that bad if in the first films they didn't portray them doing everything right, and then in the next one say that they're all idiots.
4: Jamie's telekenisis from Halloween 5.
WHY did they make one of the series' best characters friggin TELEPATHIC?!?! I mean, REALLY!!! Is there an explanation? No. Is there a reason? No. Is there a purpose? No. It's simply added to the film to make it the silliest film in the series, the film every good franchise must have. The film may as well be called Carrie vs. Michael, because the idea is really friggin stupid! Halloween 5 is where the series seriously went downhill. I will admit, if not for Halloween H20 and Resurrection, the series would be dead.
3: The cult of thorn from Halloween 5 and 6.
I know you can't keep a series interesting by having no answer to why Michael kills, but the cult of thorn was just plain silly. I know they tried, but at least it could have been something realistic by childhood trauma or something. What made Michael so scary in the first place was the fact that he had no motive. In fact, Billy Loomis from Scream once said:
"Why? Why? You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well, I haven't got one, Sid. Did Norman Bates have a motive? Did they ever decide why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? DON'T THINK SO. See, it's a whole lot scarier when there's no motive. That motive enough for ya?"
(Well, they did give them motives in Hannibal: Rising and Psycho IV: The Beginning, but those sucked. Screw prequels!)
2: The head explosion, from Halloween 6.
Basically this guy gets electrocuted and his head explodes. How does this happen? What, is Michael a Scanner now?
(Scanners was a movie where a guy's head explodes. To watch it, click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdwPGZi-3yQ)
I think that if anyone knows the basics of electricity, two things happen. One, no part of your body explodes, and two, electricity is not visible as it is coursing through your body, unless you're invisible. *cough Friday the 13th Part 7 and 8*
1: Busta Rhymes from Halloween: Resurrection.
Okay, first let me just say that I didn't HATE Halloween: Resurrection. In fact, I think that it is one of the most original and suspenseful films in the series. Sure, it does follow the whole "final girl" formula that most cliched slashers suffer from, but I still think it is superior to H20, and has a great Michael Myers (Canadian stuntman and Halloween fan Brad Loree) and one of the best masks in the series. But Busta Rhymes is the thing that REALLY annoyed me and Halloween fans alike. Therefore, the only reason the character is so annoying is simply because of Busta Rhymes! He is just cussing every other sentence because he feels like ad-libbing it into the script. Not to mention that out of all the characters, Busta Rhymes is the hero. The guy who actually takes out Michael Myers!!! Can you believe it? The guy is just bad news. He is annoying, repetetive, stereotypical, stupid, and completely cartoonish. When Michael stabbed him, I jumped for joy. Too bad he somehow survived and became one of two survivors. :(

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

Superman 4



The Main Characters

Clark Kent/Superman: Christopher Reeve! He actually wrote this film, and it's bad.

Lois Lane: Margot Kidder! As annoying as ever.

Perry White: Jackie Cooper! Editor of the daily planet.

Lex Luthor: Gene Hackman! He broke out of prison again. Yeah. I think they need to put him in a different prison.

Lenny Luthor: Jon Cryer! Lex Luthor's nephew!

Nuclear Man: Dolph Lundgren! What? What's that you say? You say it ISN'T Dolph Lundgren? Okay. It must be some other Russian/Swedish/German stuntman. But he is voiced by Gene Hackman! That's right, although this baddie was born of nuclear radiation and Superman's DNA, apparently he has blonde hair and Lex Luthor's voice. Makes perfect sense to me.

The Plot

Okay, the film begins with the opening titles that everyone says are cheap. But, at least they are the old style credits, and not the Superman III style titles, that looked like they were made using that cheap "Star Wars" format on video software. Superman then arrives in space somehow and saves a group of Cosmonauts (Russian astronauts) who are floating through space when they are suddenly struck by a piece of space junk hurtling towards them somehow, despite it not having any rocket boosters. Superman cheesily flies towards the screen, and get used to how it looks because you see the same blue screen shot around fifty times in this movie. So, back to Earth it was revealed that the Daily Planet has been sold to the majority shareholder, the owner of a tabloid newspaper. So, naturally this becomes a major plot point in the film and the Daily Planet becomes a tabloid. The owner, played by Jackie Cooper, disappears after five minutes into the film, because he wants to go "downtown". He actually remains "downtown" for the rest of the movie. So, after this, the new manager's daughter begins to fall for Clark, because he is "so cool".

REALLY????

So, the president suddenly comes on the television set and proclaims that all of a sudden, there is a nuclear crisis that needs to be resolved. So, then it cuts to one of the most pointless scenes in the entire film. It transitions into a classroom where a teacher is asking a student named Jeremy what he thinks should be done about the conflict. Jeremy realizes that Superman is the answer and writes a letter to him, which Lois Lane gives to Clark Kent, I guess. Meanwhile, Superman has been getting serious about the nuclear conflict, and instead of saving lives, he decides to watch the news with a serious expression on his face. Lois Lane knocks and Clark answers the door, and leads her to the balcony where he ACTUALLY does an exact recap of the flying scene from Superman II, except he flies to California and back within two minutes. And the special effects in this scene are terrible. He lets Lois drop and she is falling like a feather. Lois doesn't even care that her co-worker is the MAN OF STEEL!!! She doesn't even ask! So, Clark flies back to Metropolis from California at a very slow speed within thirty seconds. He then gives her the mind-boggling kiss he gave her from Superman II. So, what was the point of that scene? Superman 4 seriously just remade that scene from Superman II! So, the Daily Planet instantly realizes that it wants to make Jeremy a celebrity, so Jeremy is flown to Metropolis, where he is a celebrity for, like two minutes, and Superman takes him on a "private" walk, accompanied by a photographer and a crowd of pedestrians. They go to the United Nations and Superman proclaims that, effective immediately, he will rid the world of all nuclear weapons. Everyone is okay with this, of course, because peace is so easy to achieve. So, Superman collects all of the nukes in the world, which can't be more than a hundred, despite the fact that the United States alone has over ten thousand STOCKPILES of nukes. He shoots them all into the sun. However, as all this is going down, something wicked this way comes, and Lenny Luthor (played by Jon Cryer!) breaks his uncle, Lex Luthor out of prison, for like the fiftieth time. They flee to Metropolis where Luthor meets with nuclear war profiteers to try and make all sorts of money by making more nuclear weapons. They agree and Luthor becomes rich. So, Luthor steals a strand of Superman's hair from a museum, which is strong enough to suspend a thousand pound weight. They succeed, and use it to put into a new nuclear weapon they make from radioactive elements. Superman takes the bait and hurtles it into the sun, and an evil clone of Superman is born, apparently in full clothing and glue on cat nails, with the power of electricity that he can use to defeat Superman. Wait a minute, why didn't Luthor just make a villain of solid Kryptonite? Then Superman couldn't stop him. Lex decides to just hang around in his bathrobe with a martini and just kind of waves off Nuclear Man, telling him to just "eh, whatever, just destroy superman". Lex proceeds to walk off screen. Well, wouldn't he want to see how it turns out? Well, whatever. He has Nucler Man now! So, now he only has to just let him go and nothing could POSSIBLY fail! So, Superman is scratched by Nuclear Man, which apparently can pierce his skin, you know, because it ISN'T Kryptonite. So, he takes days off work to heal, as he is sweating buckets. This probably has something to do with the fact that he has his fireplace on.

So, Superman is gone for a couple scenes, where he goes back to Smallville to take an energy module from Krypton that has been at his childhood home for years. Now, he's apparently aging rapidly, and the energy module saves his life.

Nuclear Man finds Superman, for some reason wanting the location of the publisher's daughter for some reason, although he had been given clear instructions to destroy Superman. He threatens to "hurt people";

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chdVDWYR6Ac

and does, and Superman frantically tries to save everyone as he burns down parts of the city with fire? Superman has to use his freeze breath to stop it, and even a school bus, wait a minute! A SCHOOL BUS?!?! You've got to be kidding me. That's about as predictible as the kid or lady with a baby carriage in distress! He gives Nuclear Man a false lead, or red herring if you will, and tricks him into going into an elevator, which he rips out of the building and hurtles onto the lunar surface. There we go! There's the friggin' boss Superman we all know and love! But the sun rises and Nuclear Man's powers are given back, because of the crack in the two doors. Well, why didn't he just throw it into the dark side of the moon? Nuclear Man breaks out and tosses over the American flag. This proves to be the last straw for Superman, but he is beaten up by Nucler Man and literally buried in the lunar surface. (?) Yeah, because that plan couldn't POSSIBLY fail! Nuclear Man goes back to Earth and takes the new manager's daughter into space where she can apparently breathe and talk, and no severe case of the bends, crushing pressure, or you know, blood boiling. Superman saves her, brings her back to Earth, and actually moves the moon in front of the sun, therefore draining Nuclear Man's powers. He sends him into a nuclear power plant and forces him to power the city. After this, Jackie Cooper shows up again and reveals that he got a loan big enough to buy back all of the stocks on the company, therefore firing the majority shareholder, but keeping the shareholder's daughter, because she was nice. Lois Lane shouts "We did it!" despite the fact that she never did anything to help anyone. After this, Clark disappears again at the United Nations, and Lois teases him from behind his back. Clark turns into Superman and he gives a brief speech about how when the people of the Earth want peace so badly, the governments of the planet will have "no choice" but to give it to them. So, that's how peace works, I guess. He captures Lex and Lenny, who are running away and brings Luthor to prison, despite the fact that he should probably bring him to a different prison, because he has escaped from there so many times, and Lenny to Boy's Town. Well, with Lenny at Boy's Town, that leaves him open to becoming a chiropractor and living with his brother, Charlie on a beach house in Malibu. Superman ends the wonderful series flying into space and giving a wonderful smile to the camera.

Questionable Teaching

This elementary school classroom has a teacher who actually shows her kids a presidential speech about nuclear war, a topic none of them could possibly comprehend, and defenitely not something that they should be worried about at that age. They should be worried about fingerpainting!

Conclusions

Superman 4 is bad, but it isn't worse than Superman III. This is a SERIOUS guilty pleasure. I mean, this is really fun to watch. And everyone says that it is the worst in the series, but I really don't see how. Superman 4 was WAY better than Superman III. First of all, it actually kept you intersted because it wasn't a comedy. Sure, it kind of had a stupid message, and the effects are horrid, but it really isn't that awful as people say. The opening titles are better than Superman III's, and they didn't try to make it a comedy with Richard Pryor. Think about it, did anybody turn into a robot in this one??? Not to mention that Superman would defenitely be trying to rid nuclear weaponry for Earth. Plus, this movie is about peace, and you guys are going to pick at it because of trivial aspects?

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Hello, everyone who may or may not be reading this. My name is Troy Small and I am from South Dakota, and movie reviewing in my spare time is my game. Here you can see reviews of good and bad movies ranging from crap to campy to classic. I encourage you to check out this blog's sister blog:
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